I was 16 when I experienced the excitement of being with a girl for the first time. It was on a Friday, after extra lessons in SS 3A. One of the problems was that I am also a girl.
Her name was Becky. I can’t quite recollect how we started, but I remembered how I felt. Through it all, we didn’t say a word but each of us understood what was going on. I remember how, when it was over, I wanted to feel that way again.
What started as a spark became a fire that consumed me throughout my stay in the University. I always wanted more. Sadly, I always found a willing partner. A roommate. A sister in the fellowship. A course mate. There was always someone who was willing to join me in my search for ecstasy.
Surprisingly, I can’t remember having extensive discussions with any of these people. It was as if each of us had a magnetic attraction that helped us locate people with whom we shared the same struggle.
I had met the Lord but the desire refused to die. It showed up repeatedly, making me do what I did not want to do.
During the mandatory one year youth service, I found a friend who I opened up to. She helped me realize that I could be free from the chains that had held me for long.
Romans 6:14 was one of my go-to verses. “Remember this: sin will not conquer you, for God already has! You are not governed by law but governed by the reign of the grace of God.”
For two years, I had walked the path of purity with an increasing level of success. However, this afternoon, my strength was really shaken.
At the mall, I saw a beautiful lady. Very beautiful. She walked towards the restroom and smiled at me. That was the signal. I knew it. I felt that attraction again. My mind began to play scenes of the past in anticipation of what was to come. I was shaking. I wanted it. I really did.
Taking one step towards her direction would mean failure. So, I ran, leaving the trolley with the items I had picked. People stared at me as I ran for the car park, fiddling with my phone as I ordered a cab.
Forty-five minutes later, I was home. My first action was to switch on the speaker. Then I played my favorite song. In Christ Alone. It is a song that reminds me of where I find my identity. In Christ. It reminds me that I’m not defined by the bad things I did or want to do. My identity is in Christ. Alone. The lyrics filled the room:
“In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid Ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand.”
Would you like to sing with me?
“…Moses preferred faith’s certainty above the momentary enjoyment of sin’s pleasures.”
“I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.”
“But he answered me, “My grace is always more than enough for you, and my power finds its full expression through your weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
“For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for good works.”